Things you’d say to guests if you could

Is there a little bit of Basil Fawlty in everyone? Patience is a virtue but sometimes people are just a pain in the-

1. “I don’t care.”

Sure, it’s wonderful to meet people from all over the world with unique lives and backgrounds and stories to share but when you’ve had to skip lunch because a family of eight decided to check in early… It can be hard to take an interest.


  • Sorry Mr&Mrs Newlywed, I don’t care about your #relationshipgoals or your honeymoon plans.

2. “It’s not rocket science.”

Why is it that so many people can figure out how to book through a fifth-party barely-heard-of-it website but they can’t operate a remote control? Or a standard coffee machine? Or locate an in-room iron? Or read the in-room brochure that explains all those things?


  • There’s a handy app called Google Maps that tells you exactly how to find a place for lunch without interrupting mine.

3. “Were you born in a barn?”

[pro_ad_display_adzone id=”15046″ align=”left”]This saying might be more common among poms, but the essence is clear: why do some guests insist on treating rooms like alleyways? Do they leave wet towels on the carpet in their own homes? Do they somehow manage to squirt shampoo on the ceiling of their own showers? Let’s not even start on bodily fluids. Where’s the self-control?

The common courtesy? There’s gross and then there’s guests being gross. The latter makes you want to curl up into a ball of anxiety and bathe in hand sanitiser. Or maybe that’s just me?


  • Stop the madness.

4. “You don’t like noise? Neither do I!”

Noise complaints are a catastrophe on all sides… Politely telling one guest to shut-up due to a noise complaint can lead to a bad review from that guest, particularly if you have to do it multiple times. By which point you’ve likely had multiple complaints from different rooms and will receive multiple bad reviews from guests who insist you’re not doing enough! It’s like the world’s worst game of dominos. Especially if it’s an older couple complaining about noisy children, or tired parents complaining about 11pm chatter. The one poor soul who should be complaining is the sucker receiving all the complaints! What do they want you to do, hand out earplugs?


  • Don’t mention the walls.

5. “Goodbye and get out.”

Not all room rates were created equally: some cost you more in sanity and patience than anything else. Isn’t it the way, too, that the cheaper and more discounted a room, the more disgruntled and demanding the guest? Certainly not always the case, but people do like to push their luck. What would be more satisfying than giving that rude, obnoxious guest a curt and verbal boot out the door? Even better, when a guest just isn’t worth the price of entry because they’re sucking your time dry.


Accommodation is a service-centred industry: trying to create a stress-free environment for guests can turn the stress-dial right up for even the most well-meaning manager or staff member. Blowing off steam in healthy ways is absolutely essential, or else it’s quite possible you’ll find yourself in a John Cleesian-state banging your head on the front-desk.


Save yourself some pain and pent-up frustration and make sure you find time for ‘me time’. Have a drink, take a break, read a book or go for a walk. You’ll find yourself in a much better place to fend off those faulty guests.


Any other choice words? Let Basil know below…

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